As I’ve written about this week, the transition to crutches has been exhausting, far more so than I’d expected. I’ve been sleeping like a champ, more than I can ever remember. I posted on Facebook that I haven’t had so much sleep since I was a toddler, and my mom assured me that she only wished that I slept this much as a kid. 🙂 I’ve slept more than 9 hours on four of the past five nights, which, like eating gigantic pieces of chocolate cake, feels fantastic during but kind of disconcerting after.
The fantastic part: I can finally sleep in a normal bed, without a wedge pillow, and I can choose from three – count ’em, three – sleeping positions: back, belly, or left side. Combined with the fresh sheets and blankets Michael put on last night, sleeping feels absolutely luxurious. It feels decadent, like a huge relief, and I’ve let myself soak in as much as I want. I’ve wanted plenty; it’s like my mind and body are drenched and heavy. I think I’m making up for a month and a half of sleep that’s been interrupted by nighttime medication doses, pain, and the inability to shift positions. And I also know that the body repairs itself during sleep. So it’s actually true that sleeping is my job right now.
But it does get in the way of other things, like jobs that take place during waking hours. I love getting up early, having a workout, eating breakfast, and then getting started on the day. So when I rolled out of bed at 9am today, that plan was shot. Yeah, I dealt, but it’s a crappy to feel like half the day is just gone. Then there’s the persistent grogginess. I was still tired most of the day, despite of – or maybe because of – the sleep. I tried to do some work from home, but the brain just wouldn’t fire. I finally fit in my PT session in the late afternoon, but I didn’t get the trip to the gym I’d been hoping for. Not that I really had energy for it anyway…
I guess the part I have trouble with is the fear that I won’t perk up again, that I’ll just stay lazy and sleepy. I know, rationally, that this won’t be a problem, but it still nags at me. I guess the fact that I want more energy shows I’m getting better; a couple of weeks ago I may have been awake more hours of the day, but I was planted in the Lazy Boy for a greater proportion of them.
One last sleep note: I dreamed I was walking last night! I was in several different places: the band hallway in high school, the congregational picnic at Bethel Horizons, with my grandma; you know, the typical dream mishmash. I’d walk somewhere without crutches and then all of a sudden remember I shouldn’t have. It hurt a little in the dreams, but not terribly. Probably I was a little bit sore in real life and I was waking up to roll over. 🙂
Anyhow, I’m going to fit in dinner, perhaps a movie, and then get back to work. Meaning sleep. 🙂