New Year’s Revolution

My first triathlon was Keuka Lake Tri 2010, a month before I broke my pelvis and six weeks before I started this blog. I was nervous. I’d only swum in a wetsuit a couple times before that, and I was just getting conditioned to running. But I got in the water, and in the midst of the swim, I remember thinking: Good thing I like the training, because this sucks!
And then, midway through the bike course, I remember thinking: I’m doing it. What seemed so huge and daunting is being completed, one pedal stroke at a time, and then one step at a time. I’ve had that thought in several races since, and also in the midst of work and life tasks that seemed insurmountable at the outset.
I’m going to get done. It’s how I get there that counts.
Put another way, it’s not about getting through the race, or the training session, or the project, or the awkward social event…it’s about getting IN it. It’s about finding what it has to teach, staying with the low points in order to really appreciate the high ones…
Anyhow, it’s been an intense year and a truly incredible one. I am thankful for all of you who have listened, talked, spent time, helped me find the space and motion I needed. I am so blessed to have each of you.
I generally make resolutions at the New Year…but over the past year resolutions – and maybe revolutions – have just come, sometimes in cascades and sometimes in fits and starts. I’ve become more attuned to starting over, cleaning the slate, clearing my vision, than ever…because I do it many, many times each day.
Interesting and awesome that clarity only exists in the presence of muddiness; one needs the other to have meaning. The rough times won’t go away, but neither will the smooth ones. It’s whether I choose to love the journey that matters.
So that’s what I can commit to this year. I will be right here. I will feel every ounce of good and bad that comes my way. I will admit when I’m confused and also when my thoughts are clear. I will love this life and let it grow. I will be thankful.
And when I screw this up – because it’s not if, it’s when – I will start over. A hundred times a day if necessary. Because the only perfection is in forgiveness.
So with that, bring on 2012! I’m ready for the ride and so glad to have you all with me.

About solveighanson

I'm a (late) thirtysomething Plant Breeding Ph.D. student, daughter / sister / auntie, vegetable fan, yogi, sometime cyclist, and enthusiastic if infrequent baker. I started this blog in the summer of 2010 to trace my recovery from a pelvic fracture sustained in a cycling accident. That healing process was truly transformative, and since then I seem to have written mostly about the transformations that have followed. And hence the title of the blog: Don't call me a butterfly, because I'm not done changing.
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3 Responses to New Year’s Revolution

  1. Ruth H says:

    This is far better than any single resolution; it’s a life that can sing and cry and celebrate and mourn. And may our journeys meet at frequent crossroads.

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